


Look Forward to Forever

by captainhookcaptainfreedom



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bartender Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Captain Swan - Freeform, Drinking, Emotions, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Violence, Neverland, Season 3, The Jolly Roger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 14:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10439799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhookcaptainfreedom/pseuds/captainhookcaptainfreedom
Summary: What if Emma and Hook had met years ago in New York? A few years after Emma gets out of jail she meets a handsome bartender named Killian Jones. Killian and Emma date for three months until their relationship ends badly. They both forget about it over the years, but what happens when they meet again and bring old memories and new realizations to the surface?Set at the beginning of S3.Originally published on fanfiction.net





	1. At First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of my first fanfictions so it felt right to be the first one I posted here on AO3. It was originally published over on fanfiction.net.  
> This is very AU but everything canon from season 1 and 2 of OUAT still applies. 
> 
> Obviously I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters. CS would have already had an adorable baby if I were in charge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with chapter one!

**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma stood in front of her closet. What were you suppose to wear to a private bar?

Krissy had said it was for the 'elite', but Emma could find many words that she'd use instead. The assignment had seemed so simple when she took it on. Track down a pregnant woman's ex-boyfriend.

It had been easy enough to find him. Harry Warboard had quite a criminal record, but spent most of his time in a bar. But to get into the bar you needed an invitation.

That's where Krissy came in. She was a regular there and could get Emma in. She even knew Harry. And now that she could finally get into the bar, after befriending a total flirt, she didn't know what to wear.

There was a knock at her apartment door. Emma considered ignoring it, but then thought better of it and opened the door.

"Girly, you're not dressed yet!" Krissy yelled in disbelief as Emma let her in.

"I don't know what to wear,"

"Oh, honey," Krissy walked into the bedroom and straight to the closet. "Ooh! These will work!" She handed a pair of black open toed pumps to Emma. "Why don't you ever where this stuff?" She continued searching through her clothes.

"This is perfect, especially with your leather jacket. Now we just need to accessorize!" She turned around and thought for a moment. "Your glasses can stay… and the ponytail looks pretty good. Go get changed,"

))) _Captain Swan_ (((

When Emma and Krissy left her apartment they both looked beautiful.

Krissy wore a black pencil skirt and pink halter top with sparkly 4in heels. Her dark curls framed her face.

Emma was wearing the pumps with a form fitting, strapless maroon dress. Over it she wore her red leather jacket. She also wore a silver necklace borrowed from Krissy with matching earrings.

They were outside the door of 'Kelly's Drinks'.

"Alright, so Kyle Kelly is the owner, but he won't be down here, he's an old man who stays in his room most of the time. Most of the men here are scandalous and as tempting as it is- do not get involved with them. Okay?"

"I'm ready," Emma answered.

'Kelly's Drinks' was a large bar. To the right of the door was a lounge area that included a poker table. Straight ahead was a large counter and to the left a billiards room.

"Come one, let's get some drinks," Krissy said. "I really need one after my week."

))) _Captain Swan_ (((

He saw the blond girl walk in. She had never been here before. He had been a bartender for two years and never had seen her.

There was something different about her. She had walked into Kelly's like everyone else, but it was obvious to him that she was looking for something- or someone.

But she had a look about her that he seemed to recognize, and yet he couldn't place it. He felt himself drawn towards her and for the first time in years he resolved to not let a woman get away without a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for giving this a read! Drop me a comment below or leave some kudos if you'd be so kind! Kudos are like cookies!!


	2. Festivities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter two! This is where the implied sex first comes in. It's not graphic at all.

**Past: New York City, New York**

"Bourbon," Krissy said in a defiant voice.

"Well, isn't that a bit heavy for you Kristania?" an Irish accented voice came from the man behind the counter. His back faced them.

"It's been a rough week."

He turned around to look at them. He had brilliantly blue eyes. The color was indescribable. He had dark hair, cut short and stubble covered his lower jaw.

Emma felt herself have trouble breathing as she was suddenly attracted to the stranger. She mentally scolded herself. She had assured herself that she would never make the same mistakes as she had a few years ago.

Emma and Krissy sat down on the stools that lined the front of the bar. He handed Krissy the bourbon and turned to Emma. "And who may you be, lovely lady?" he took her hand and pressed his lips against her knuckles.

She felt a spark run through her body at his touch. "Eliza Swanson," she lied in a quiet voice. "And you?"

"I go by Jones Brooster." He paused and looked at her in a way that made her heart flutter.

"I'll have bourbon as well,"

As Jones walked away Emma turned towards a staring Krissy. "He is such a flirt," she said trying to push away her feelings.

"No… he's not!" Krissy said adamantly. "Jones is nice and easily the sexiest guy in this place. But no matter what women do to seduce him, it doesn't work! And yet you turn him on like that!" she said, snapping her fingers for emphasis. "Forget what I said about not getting involved with anyone. If you were ever going to get involved with anyone, Jones would be the guy. And at least to me, it is clear that you agree,"

"It was that obvious?" Emma groaned.

"No, you aren't easy to read, but I've spent enough time with you to know that it wasn't normal for you to let him kiss your hand."

"Thank God," she breathed.

Jones returned with her bourbon.

"Jones," Krissy started. "Where's Harry?"

"Why? Are you looking to become another one of his pregnant exes?" he smirked.

"No." she answered coldly. "Eliza is looking for him and no she is not one of his 'pregnant exes' and it is none of your business why she wants to see him."

There was a lapse of silence as they waited for him to answer. "Are you done yet?" he said with a look that left Emma barely able to stifle her laughs. "If you remember correctly Harry never comes into Kelly's on Thursday. My cousin tends to avoid his ex, Ann-Marie, who comes in every Thursday."

Krissy groaned. "Sorry Eliza," she said apologetically.

Emma felt herself start to panic. Tonight had been a total waste of time. Then she caught Jones intense look aimed towards her. She could feel her heart beat faster. Perhaps tonight didn't have to be a waste.

Picking up her glass she tilted it back and downed all the alcohol. She was going to need it.

* * *

**Present: _The Jolly Roger_ , Neverland's Surrounding Waters **

Emma stood on deck of _The Jolly Roger._ It was freezing out, but the cool air always helped to clear her head. Her hair flowed out behind her with the breeze. She looked up towards the sky, a thousand glittering stars hung above.

"She truly was a vision," Killian thought to himself. He walked over to her. "Are you alright love?" he asked.

Emma started at the sound of his voice. She tried to smile. "Hey, Killian,"

They had grown closer. They called each other by their given names and both felt that they could confide in each other. They had both gone through such similar trials and they found that they could easily understand and help the other. However, they both still denied the irrepressible attraction they had for one another since they had first met.

"Nightmares again?" he questioned.

"Yep," she sighed.

"Do you want to talk?" he didn't push her or invade her privacy, but was there as support if she needed it.

"I'd rather not," She looked over at him. He was not what she had expected. He was gentle and kind. Right now though, she didn't want comfort. All she really wanted was to get drunk and in a bed with him. It would allow her to forget- even if it was just for a while. But that was not an option. No. She had a family and responsibilities. As much as she liked to think that it would only be another one night stand she knew that it would happen more than once. She could barely fight her attractions for him anymore and she could tell he felt the same. But he was a gentleman and honored her wishes. He didn't even ask her to trust him. There had been so many times that they had almost kissed, that Emma had lost track. But she was even more wary now that the nightmares had come back.

They were different from before. These weren't of Henry or Neal. They were of a time and a man who Emma had long ago blocked out. She couldn't remember his face or even his name. Both had haunted her for so long, but that was years ago. The dreams brought her so many wonderful memories, but with each one the pain flooded in anew.

"If you change your mind Emma, I'm her,"

She looked up at him, not bothering to portray a false smile because he surely would see through it. She could see the concern in his impossibly blue eyes. She nodded and he walked away, but she could still feel his gaze upon her.

The dreams were of a blissful relationship she had once had. The only real one after Neal. It had not ended well though and it made her worry even more about a possible relationship with Hook. It was all too familiar and she wasn't going to let this pirate break her heart. She wasn't going to even give him the chance to.

* * *

**Past: New York City, New York**

She had only had two glasses and she could already feel the alcohol's effects on her. Somehow, she and Jones had been left alone in the billiards room. Now he was teaching her the art of pool.

She held the cue in her hands next to his. His arms wrapped around her. She could feel his hot breath against her neck. "It's a bit hot in her," she said, not sure if she was feeling hot because of the drinks or because of him.

"Yes, it is..." he responded while slipping her coat off her arms and letting it fall to the ground.

It was definitely because of him. Her skin burned as his hands touched her now bare shoulders. She wanted to think that it was just the alcohol making her feel this way, but she knew otherwise. She reached for her glass and took another gulp, supplying herself with more liquid courage. She turned around in his arms and wrapped her own around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss. Emma's fingers played with his hair as Jones wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him.

His tongue pressed against her lips, begging for entrance and she gave it. Their tongues tangled as Emma fought to enter his mouth as well.

It seemed to pass too quickly as Emma pulled away first, gasping for breath. She only got one quick breath of air though as he pulled her back into the kiss. Emma's eyelids fluttered closed and the kiss seemed to last forever, until it was suddenly over.

They both needed to breathe this time and again the kiss seemed too short. Jones didn't loosen his grip on her though.

"I think we should continue this somewhere else beautiful," he said in a low voice that made Emma's knees weak. "I have 'bout two hours left to work," he smirked at how her face fell. "But I can get someone to cover for me."

He scooped up Emma's coat and handed it to her as she intertwined her left hand with his right. They slipped out of the billiards room and into the bar. They reached the steep stairs and he turned towards the counter. Krissy sat there flirting with a blond bartender with thick black glasses.

"Dirk, cover for me will you?" Jones called out to the young man.

He stared at them in shock, just as all the other men in the bar did. There was a wicked smile on Krissy's face and jealous glares were aimed at Emma from the other women.

Jones paid no attention to these and led her up the stairs without waiting for Dirk's answer. They reached the top of the stairs and he stopped. "There's something you should know beautiful,"

"What?" the look in his eyes scared her. He seemed unsure and she desperately hoped that there wasn't someone else.

He reached his right hand over to his left wrist. He removed the prosthetic hand and looked to Emma.

"He was worried about that?" she thought to herself.

She wrapped her arms around him again and pressed an open-mouthed kiss against his lips. It took a moment for him to respond, shocked by her actions. But he did respond. He wrapped his muscular arms around her thin body and caressed her cheek with his knuckles. His tongue entered her mouth and he searched it, trying to memorize everything about her. He could taste bourbon on her lips just as she could taste rum on his.

Finally, Emma pulled away, biting his bottom lip as she did so.

"Stop tempting me darling or I'll have to take you right here and now."

Emma gasped and drew away from him at his words, but didn't let go of his hand. "Well, I guess we'll just have to get to you apartment soon."

He led her to the third door and backed her up against it. He fiddled with his keys and put them into the door without turning them.

Meanwhile, Emma slowly undid the buttons on his black leather vest. It was the only thing covering his chest. Emma ran her fingers over his muscular chest and dark chest hair.

"Beautiful, there is just one more problem. You and I both know that your name is not really Eliza. So I can't very well continue to call you that,"

Jones slowly ran his stump up her side. Emma sharply drew a breath as her eyelids flickered closed. She lasted only a few more seconds. "Emma," she gasped.

"Emma," he growled deeply into her neck.

He opened the door and quickly closed it behind them. And the festivities began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked chapter two! Now on to chapter three!


	3. It Used to Feel like Love, Now it's Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Chapter 3 is where Killian has emotions and we continue to imply sex. Also, New York Emma proves she isn't completely brainless.

**Present: The Jolly Roger**

Emma woke up sweating and gasping for air. She sat up in bed. She had finally gone back to sleep last night, praying that the drams wouldn't come again but knowing they would. Her tank top was soaked. She peeled it off of her skin and wrung it out, sweat droplets falling to the wooden floorboards.

Sun streamed in from the portholes. It was morning. She let herself fall back against the bed. Emma could feel the stinging in her eyes from the oncoming tears. No she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't satisfy that man by crying. No.

None of these thoughts helped though. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks when there was a knock at the door.

"Emma, honey?" came Mary Margaret's gentle voice as she eased the door open. "Emma," her voice became distraught as she took in her daughter's awful state. "Are you alright? What happened?" She sat down next to Emma and took her hand in hers.

"I'm… I'm," she couldn't bring herself to claim that she was fine; Mary Margaret would know it was a lie anyway. "I'm terrible," she finally choked out. "Nightmares," She wiped away her tears, trying to regain her composure.

"I thought you had stopped having nightmares about Henry and Neal. Emma, none of this is your fault."

"They're not about Henry and Neal anymore."

Mary Margaret stared at her. "Then what? Who?"

Emma sighed. "It was a long time ago and a very painful experience that I'd rather not talk about,"

"Emma, I know it's difficult, but it might help to talk about it." Emma didn't respond. "Alright Ems, but if you want to talk, I'm here."

Emma sighed again. She slipped her still damp tank top back on and then shrugged on her leather. She headed out to the deck to get some air.

))) _Captain Swan_ (((

Killian watched Emma. The memories had started creeping back in when Cora died and he remembered Emma now. "Emma Swanson indeed," he chuckled to himself. And yet Emma didn't remember him or at least seemed not to. She would have recognized his name- she would've recognized him.

It was true that he had only realized the truth a short while ago, but Emma hadn't had her memories washed away by Cora.

Somehow this knowledge pained him. All he wanted was to go over to Emma and kiss her the way he used to. He wanted to get rid of her pain. He wanted to make her remember. They hadn't left things at a good spot and as much as it hurt, perhaps it was a better thing that Emma didn't know.

* * *

**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma woke up in a bed that wasn't hers. She closed her eyes again and thought of the night before. It had been amazing. They had moved perfectly together. Their bodies fit like puzzle pieces. It was as if they had been made for each other. The man might only have one hand, but oh was he good at using it. And the things he could do with his mouth. Without a doubt, it had been the best one night stand of her life.

It didn't feel like her other ones. Jones wasn't a greedy lover. It seemed as if his only concern was to please her. Every time she had woken up after a one-night stand guilt washed over her and she left before her lover even awoke. As much as it scared her, she wasn't guilty this time. She hadn't run and didn't plan to. His arm was wrapped tightly around her stomach, holding her close to him and it felt right.

Emma felt eyes on her. She tilted her head slightly to see him. His blue eyes looked upon her warmly.

"Morning Emma," He leaned down and captured her lips with his. This kiss was gentle and loving.

She sighed and leaned into his chest. "Your quite a man Jones," She felt his body stiffen against her. She flipped over to face him. He looked over at her, quilt etched upon his face.

"There's something I should have told you last night,"

Emma couldn't believe she had done it. She had let herself fall for this guy and he was about to tell her that he was married. "There's someone else, isn't there?" she said, closing her eyes and biting her lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

"No." he said. "There hasn't been for years. Emma please believe me," he caressed her cheek with his hand.

"Then what is it Jones?" she demanded, not knowing why she was getting so upset.

"Killian," he said quietly.

"What?"

"My name is Killian Jones, not Jones Brooster."

Emma relaxed for a moment before eyeing him seductively. "Was it my moans of the wrong name that got to you?"

"Hmm… I'm sure we could make up for it this morning."

* * *

 **Present:** _**The Jolly Roger** _ **, Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

She looked at Hook, steering the ship. What was it about him that brought those long hidden memories to the surface? Or maybe it was Neverland.

She allowed herself to think about her old lover for the first time. He had been so important to her then, but now- she couldn't remember his name or even his face. Years of pushing his image and voice out of her mind had successfully erased him from her thoughts. Until now.

It had been wonderful. She remembered the way he had held her and kissed her. The way he had made her feel. They had been so much more than 'Friends with Benefits'.

* * *

**Past: New York City, New York**

"So… is this how your one night stands usually go?" Killian stood in the bathroom doorway. He had on black jeans. He was still barefoot and shirtless. He was towel drying his hair as Emma got dressed.

Emma picked her clothes up off the floor, water droplets hanging onto the ends of her golden curls.

She slipped into the maroon dress and tried to zip it up. "Here let me do it," Killian walked over to her, seeing her difficulty. "So…um…how do you feel towards me?" He continued as he zipped her dress up.

Emma looked at the ground, not certain of how she felt. "Do you feel guilty?"

"You didn't answer my question," He turned her body around and tilted her head up to face him. "Surprisingly, I do not," He was telling the truth. "Do you?" he asked gently.

Emma thought for a moment. She looked into is much too blue eyes and knew she couldn't lie, not to him. "No, I don't,"

"Well, in that case, I don't think all of that counts as a one-night stand. And, in that case, would you join me for brunch?" he said with a mock bow.

Emma laughed.

"Please…"

"I'd be honored. But this isn't exactly appropriate attire for brunch," she said motioning towards the dress she was wearing.

"You're quite right. Where do you live?"

She shot him a look.

"Okay, so it's not a good idea to tell me, a stranger who is sexually interested in you, where you live. Is it close though?"

"No, it's quite a few streets over,"

"I'm sure you can borrow some of Jasmine's old stuff then," he grabbed a set of keys off his dresser and threw them to Emma. "Room six darling. I need to go ask Kyle for the day off. Meet me downstairs when you're ready," He grabbed a plaid shirt out of his closet and slipped it on, not bothering to button it.

"Wait," Emma grabbed his hand before he could leave. She could already fell herself getting attached to this guy, but she didn't know why. She knew it wasn't good. "Who's Jasmine?" She asked cautiously.

"She's 27, moved to Manhattan about two years ago- around the same time I started working here. She's Kyle's daughter. There was never a relationship between us. She just trusts me to take care of her dad while she's away," He had known just what she was thinking. He leaned in and kissed her. It was slow and gentle but contained the same love and passion as their heated ones. "Hurry down; I don't know how long I'll last without you."

Killian left. Emma leaned against the door. She sighed. He felt right. This all felt right. But last time had felt like this too… or had it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are still reading this, I love and appreciate you so much!!


	4. The One I Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter. I wanted it to be separated from the next one for the sake of the story's spacing. I hope you enjoy it anyway though!

**Past: New York City, New York**

"Hey, Kyle!" Killian called out, walking up to the counter. The old man stood behind it filling orders for the few customers there.

"Well, Jones, you only have three hours left to enjoy this lovely Friday. But I heard you got a girl,"

"Yeah," Dirk came out from the back, drying a glass. "You must have really scared her off if she left before my shift 'cause I didn't see her leave."

"She's still here actually. We're going to brunch. Can she borrow some of Jasmine's stuff?"

Kyle looked at him curiously. "I've never seen you interested in a girl. What time will you be back? Yes she may."  
Killian and Kyle often had multiple conversations at once.

"I'm not sure of it myself. I was hoping to take the day off. Thank you."

Kelly studied him. "Killian," he lowered his voice so the others wouldn't hear his real name, "don't let your past make you lose your present. You've gone so long without even looking twice at a girl. She must be special."

"Oh she is. There's just something about her. I can't describe it, it's just there."

Kelly looked hard at him. "She's the one isn't she?"

"I, um, I didn't say that," Killian answered, flustered.

"You need to get over her. Move on- live your life. She's gone Killian. She died a long time ago." Kyle knew about Milah and Neverland and he believed it all.

"And how do I explain to her that I'm Captain Hook? I can't move on, not here."

"Then why are you even trying?" he paused. "Take the day off, it'll be your tavern soon enough," he said, resigned.

Emma came down at that moment. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail again. She wore skinny jeans with brown leather ankle boots. She wore a white blouse under her coat and had on a brown shoulder bag. She pushed her glasses up self-consciously and strode over to Killian and Kyle.

"So you're the one capable of the impossible. I'm Kyle Kelly."

"Eliza Swanson."

* * *

  
**Present: The Jolly Roger, Neverland Surrounding Waters**

Dreams- Past: New York City, New York

"Emma!" he screamed as he pulled her close. The car's engine burst into flames. "Are you alright darling?" he asked in an Irish accent.

"Just a bit shaken up." She looked into his blue eyes, clouded with worry.

"You're sure you're okay?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his dark hair as she pulled him down towards her for a kiss. "Yes," she answered softly once they were finally parted. "Are you?"

"As long as you're her with me."

He pulled a necklace from his coat pocket. He walked behind her and brought it around her neck, connecting the chain. She looked down at it, two gold, intertwined hearts.

"I love you Emma."

She stared at him, unsure of what to say. "Killian, I, I can't. You know I-"

He held a finger to her lips as tears began to sting her eyes. "You don't need to say anything. I know we're not ready for this and probably won't be for a long time, if ever. But I need you to know."

))) Captain Swan (((

Emma awoke with a start. No- it couldn't be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get interesting! Let me know what you thought below!!


	5. How Can I Love You With My Wounded Heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter that is entirely flashback.

**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma awoke to the smell of pancakes. She pushed the covers off and swung her legs out of bed. Her bare feet hit the cold wood floor and she shivered. She had to force herself to leave the warm bed. She grabbed her glasses off of the dresser and pulled on her robe. She headed out to the living room.

Emma gasped when she looked out the window, pulling away the chocolate-colored curtains. White snowflakes were falling to the pavement below. "It's beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you darling."

Emma turned around. She walked over to the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen and slid onto one of the stools.

Killian smiled at her. "Good morning Emma." He leaned forward and met her halfway for a chaste kiss.

"So… what's the surprise?"

He turned away from Emma and grabbed two steaming mugs of cocoa from the stove. "What surprise?" he said as he sprinkled cinnamon into each mug. He handed one to Emma and took a sip of his own.

"The surprise that you kept taunting me about yesterday!"

"Well, I don't know anything about a surprise, but there is this," he walked over to the coffee table and picked up a small white box. He handed it to Emma.

She looked at it. It looked suspiciously like a ring box. "Killian, I'm sorry, but I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." It hurt her to refuse him, but she couldn't let her past happen all over again.

"Darling, do you see me getting down on one knee? I think you should open it."

She slowly lifted the lid, sending a curious look towards her boyfriend. "Oh my God. It's my necklace. But- it was stolen. How did you, where, how?

He laughed and took the necklace from her hand. He put it on her, just like he had the first time. "Turns out the guy who broke into the apartment also deals in black-market."

"Oh, so it was one of your coworkers who stole it," she joked. She wrapped her arms around him.

"I had to get it fixed, but I've actually had it for a while," he gave her a guilty look. "I thought it would be appropriate to give it to you today."

"What's today?"

"Tomorrow will be three months."

"Ah, yes, because a three-month anniversary is so important."

"It is when it's all you have."

Their lips met again, expressing the love they could not put into words because of their aching hearts, still wounded form the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter breaks my heart. Especially that last sentence!  
> If anything of this chapter was confusing feel free to PM me or leave a comment below and I'll be sure to reply and try to clear things up!


	6. What Have I Done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the present day confrontation!!! Aren't you excited.   
> This chapter does include some of the "minor violence" tagged above.

**Present:** _**The Jolly Roger,** _ **Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

"Hello lov-" Hook tasted blood as her fist made contact with his face. "Bloody Hell Swan! What was that for?"

"You knew! You knew this whole time didn't you?" she shouted at him, fighting back angry tears.

"Emma, I didn't-" he was cut off again as he block Emma from hitting him once more.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you remember?" Killian was quickly growing as upset as Emma was.

"Why would I want to?"

"That wasn't my question,"

They had attracted the attention of their shipmates but had yet to notice. Regina stood there, eyebrows raised with a smile playing on her lips. Gold's eyes bore into Hook and he had an evil sneer plastered onto his face. Snow was holding back David, wanting to know what was going on before any more violence occurred.

"You must have gotten over me fast. I mean you came running back to the only thing you had. Memories of a woman who didn't even love you."

"Oh, well pardon me for noticing that you fell for the man who hurt you all over again. So much for learning from your mistakes,"

Their words were biting. They both knew where it hurt and how to bring on the pain. They stared at each other, speechless for the moment. Both of them were seething with anger.

"I learned something, not to trust you."

"Oh you never trusted me Swan," he paused, "or is it Swanson?" there was bitterness dripping from his words and a smirk found its way onto his face at the triumph.

"Well, what's your name? James? Hook? Killian? Jones? Brooster? Or is it Harry Warboard?"

Killian exploded. "I am nothing like Harry! How can you even say that?"

"I could say a lot of things about you. Now that I think about it, you and Krissy the ditz would have been perfect together."

"Well I sure am glad that found out what you were like years ago so that I don't have to rid myself of you now. Baelfire was smart to leave you."

"He loved me," Emma said, her eyes filled with hatred.

"At one time I thought I love you, but guess what? I fucking hate you."

"Well, you can fall off your little boat, drown and rot in hell for all I care." Emma walked away assuming she had won the argument.

But Hook's accented voice ran out. "Believe me, the feeling is mutual."

Emma froze. She whirled around and punched him. She quickly followed it by kneeing him in the gut.

"Funny how your own words can hurt you so much when they're aimed in your direction," he wheezed.

She punched him again.

"If you're trying to get me to hit you, it isn't going to work darling,"

"Oh really? 'Cause you had no problem with it last time,"

They stared coldly at each other for a long while. Emma broke the silence. "I'm done with you." She turned and walked to her cabin, slamming the door behind her.

Killian stared at the place where she had stood. The anger in his eyes slowly disappeared and was replaced by hurt, guilt, and regret.

David broke free of Mary Margaret's grasp and charged towards Hook. "What did you do to her?"

"That is none of your business," he spat, blocking the prince's own attempts at hitting him.

"How dare you hurt Emma!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about prince," Killian shot back. "So butt out." Killian walked away, shoving David on the way to his own cabin. He gently closed the door with a barely audible click.

Killian and Emma, on opposite sides of _The Jolly Roger_ , performed the same movements. Both slid down against the door to sit on the cold floor. Their heads hung low and the same thought echoed through their minds.

"What have I done?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit rough. Let me know what you thought below!


	7. Nothing Left to Live For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very short. Don't hate me too much for it.

**Present:** _**The Jolly Roger,** _ **Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

Emma let her head fall onto the tear soaked pillow. How could she have said those things to him? She had never admitted it, but she loved him. She knew she did. She always had loved him. Yes they had fought and supposedly 'moved on', but that had not stopped her from loving him. She loved his blue eyes and dark hair. She loved his constant innuendoes and his teasing and their playful banter. But he didn't love her. He never had. She felt something inside her break and the tears started up again.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Emma, sweetie, can I please come in?"

It had probably been a few hours since her awful display with Hook. She didn't want to talk to anyone, but she knew she had to explain eventually and Mary Margaret would be the most understanding. "It's unlocked." Emma sighed after a moment.

Snow slipped into the room and closed the door behind her, leaving them alone. She sat down on the edge of the mattress, not saying anything.

Emma lifted her head and turned off of her stomach and onto her side. She looked at her friend, concern clear in her mother's eyes.

"Oh, Emma," Snow started shakily as she caught sight of her daughter's red rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

_))) Captain Swan (((_

Killian was angry. But not at Emma. He was angry with himself. He should have told her. What was he thinking? That he could win her heart this time? That was impossible. She hated him, which was clear enough. And why should he care? He was a pirate. He was Captain bloody Hook. No one could love him. So why did he care if Emma did?

He loved her. That was why. He had loved her from the very first night. He had told her even though it was hard for him, but she had still rejected him. She had always pushed him away because she couldn't or wouldn't trust him. She had valid reasons, but that hadn't made it hurt any less. It hurt even more now though. He had been so stupid to think that she would not remember. He should have known that he wouldn't have a chance with her. He was nothing.

Killian wanted to let his anger out with violence, but he could not find a way to inflict himself with the pain he deserved. He reached into the shelves above his desk and pushed aside the books and papers. He grabbed a small vial that was hidden against the wall. A shining green liquid floated within it.

Hook removed the stopper with his teeth like he did with bottles of rum. One sip of the poison would stop his heart. His eyelids would close and his body still. All his horrid existence would disappear. Revenge did not return the strength a man once had, but emptied him of what little strength he had left. Killian had wasted his life and now he had nothing to live for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a fun chapter!!! (haha - sarcasm at its finest)  
> Really appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment below!


	8. A Billion Shattered Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the break-up chapter.  
> Again, the "minor violence" comes into play here.

**Past: New York City, New York**

"Emma, please, just give me a chance. We've both been hurt before, but if we can let go of the past we can make this work. I love you."

Emma couldn't breath. She didn't know what to do or what to say. He had broken so many barriers, but she couldn't let this happen. She might think that she loved him, but she had thought that about Neal. Killian could tell her he loved her, but Neal had whispered the same promises. She had given him more of a chance than she had intended to when they had first met. But she could not trust him. They had agreed not to talk about their pasts, they had both been hurt and wanted to start over. But that sounded easier than it was.

"How can you love me, when you're still in love with a memory?" the words were sharp and cold. As soon as Emma had said them she knew that she had gone too far. She had crossed over a boundary to a place they had agreed not to enter.

Killian stiffened and clenched his jaw. It was as if a knife had been plunged into his chest. He stared at her, his eyes reflecting a mix of hurt and anger. "Well how could I expect you to feel the same? I mean, whenever you look at me darling, you see some man from your past. I don't know what happened, but he hurt you. I can promise that I will never hurt you, but as long as you compare us, you will never see the truth to my words. Kyle's right, I don't know why I even try," He could push down on her sore spots the same way she could his. He knew he was twisting Kyle's words, but he did not care.

Emma felt as though she had been shot in the gut. He hadn't really said that, had he? Never once had he tried to inflict pain in her by using her past. They could read each other so well and knew how much the past plagued the other. He was using the same lowly tactics she was, but they let their pain blind them.

"Okay, you're right," Emma said. "I'll leave, you can send whatever's mine to my real apartment." She had lived with him for over 2 months. The lease on her old apartment was finally about to end and she was going to move in with him permanently. But it seemed like she'd be going back.

She turned on her heel and grabbed her bag off of the table by the door. She still had her boots on from earlier that afternoon, they had argued since then.

She went to grab the doorknob but he stopped her. His rough fingers caressed the back of her hand. "Emma, please don't. I didn't mean it like that." She could hear the desperation in his voice yet she still ignored his pleas.

"No. It's better this way. There's no way a relationship between us could work." She squeezed her eyes shut and refused to turn around and look at him. How was she saying this? With every word pain filled her heart. She needed to get away from all this. She was going to run away from him, just like she did to everything else.

Emma yanked the door open and stepped out into the hall. She started walking towards the stairs, but Killian grabbed her waist from behind, making her turn to face him.

"Emma, darling please. I cannot live without you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need you. I can't lose you now." He leaned towards her and pressed his mouth against hers.

For a moment it seemed as though there wouldn't be a problem, that their argument was over. Emma let herself go, let her wall fall once more. But the she realized it. She couldn't let it happen again. He would leave her.

She pushed away from him. "No," tears started filling her eyes.

Killian's face was filled with distress. He didn't know how to convince her of his love or how to convince her to stay.

"You don't need me. You don't really love me; you're just going to leave at the time that I need you most. Just like everyone else. You do not need me. Any woman would do. Why don't you hook up with Krissy? You could replace Harry for her. The two of you have very similar needs. I know your type and the only thing you'll ever want is a female in your bed. I'm not going to be your bed warmer just to get dropped a few months later. You don't love me. If that's love, you could love anyone," she couldn't believe she had managed to spit out such hurtful lies. To prevent him from leaving her, she'd leave before he could.

"I would never-" he yelled, but could not verbalize his anger and pain. His palm mad contact with her cheek, the sound ringing throughout the almost empty hallway.

The tears finally escaped from Emma's eyes as the skin turned red. He had hit her. He had never done something even close to that. He was always so gentle, so careful to never hurt her, physically or emotionally.

Killian stared at his hand. His only hand. It should be cut off for what he had just done. He continued to look at it as if it was some vile rodent. How? Why? He had never once meant to hurt Emma, he loved her more than he could say. So why did he strike her? His mind stopped registering what was happening for a moment.

Then he looked up to see Emma standing there in front of him. Tears slipped down her face. He reached out to her, but she took a step back. She slowly shook her head.

Emma turned as fast as she could and dashed down the two flights of stairs, bolting out the back door.

Killian followed her at an even faster pace. "Emma, please wait!" He knew he had lost her for good.

They burst out into the busy streets from the dark alley behind the bar. He stopped at the road's curb as she continued on in front of the cars. He had no way of getting her back, and if that was what she truly thought of him, why should he? He had never deserved her anyway.

She looked over her shoulder at where he stood watching her. She turned back around and let the tears fall.

Emma felt her heart shatter into a billion pieces, just as Killian felt his do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are officially halfway through this fic!   
> If you've read this far you may as well leave kudos if you haven't already!! Please drop a comment below!


	9. What's In a Name?

**Present: _The Jolly Roger_ , Neverland's Surrounding Waters.**

Snow rubbed her daughter's back anxiously. "Please, Emma, tell me what that was about. What happened?"

Emma let out a small half-sob, half-laugh. "Well," she paused, "Hook and I know each other."

"What? What do you mean? Know each other how?" she stopped for a moment. "I was there when you met, of course you know him."

"Nope. We met before then."

"Maybe, I should just let you explain. Can you tell me about it?"

Emma sighed; this was going to be awkward. "We, um, met in New York actually. I was 23 and had just started out as a bails bonds person and the job was to find a guy who just happened to spend most of his time at one specific bar. When I got there, it turned out the man did not go there on Thursdays. However, I met a bartender who went by the name of Jones Brooster. There was an instant attraction between us." Emma stopped talking. It hurt her more than she thought it would to think about that night, those months, that man, and know what it turned out as.

"An instant attraction?" Snow prompted. "What do you mean?"

Emma let out the breath she had been holding. Too late to turn back now. "You cannot really deny that you're attracted to someone after having sex three times with the first twenty-four hours of knowing each other."

Mary Margaret looked startled.

"The morning after the first night, the first time, he said he needed to tell me something. I thought he was going to have a wife or something, but no, he was perfectly single."

"Was he a friend of Hook's? What was wrong?"

"His name. It wasn't Jones Brooster, it was Killian Jones."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the truth is finally revealed to Mary Margaret. What is next?! How will she react?!!!


	10. Fight For Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter 10. Also known as the chapter in which Killian gets both a hangover and some advice, we get a better look at an original character (who may or may not be important later on...), and that overused quote gets used yet again.

**Past: New York City, New York**

Killian grabbed the bottle of rum from the top shelf. He reached towards the cabinet that held the glasses. He grabbed two in his hand and placed them on the counter. He poured the alcohol into them.

Suddenly he realized what he had done and slammed his fist against the island. He grabbed the bottle and brought it to his lips. He let the liquid slip down his throat. He needed to get her out of his head.

He downed the whole bottle and grabbed another.

 _))) Captain Swan_ _(((_

"What happened to you?" Dirk asked. He was wearing his contacts today. His hair fell into his eyes as he reached for a bottle on the shelf. It served as a reserve for only the employees. "You look like you could use some of this." He pushed a shot of rum towards Killian.

Killian winced and groaned at the sight of it. "I don't ever want to see that stuff again. I'll never drink it. Never again."

Dirk laughed at his friend. "Oh, I doubt that. But maybe it's some nice water you could use." He took the shot himself and got the other man a glass of water. "Not like you to have a hangover, Jones. I've only seen you this drunk twice before. What's going on?"

"Why are you even here so early?" he avoided Dirk's question.

The blond man rolled his eyes. "I'm working an earlier shift so I can go out with Krissy tonight. We've been dating for almost two consecutive months. I think things might actually work out this time. Now, you answer my question. What is going on?" his tone turned demanding.

"I lost her Dirk. I lost her and I can't ever get her back,"

"Emma?" he whispered. "But how? You two were meant to be together. There have never been two people more perfect for each other!" he raised his voice now. "You were Prince Charming and she was Snow White. You two love each other. It's obvious to anyone."

"I'm no Prince Charming," he chuckled bitterly."

"Why? Why can't you be _ **her**_ Prince Charming? Sure, when you met you were a bit drunk. Yes, your relationship has been filled with alcohol and sex. You are a bartender. So what? Maybe it can't be all that fairytale fluff, but does it really matter? Maybe it's more realistic, but it's still love. You could not have lost her. This wasn't a one way thing, she loved you Jones. You can get her back. A fight is only a fight. Everybody fights! The question is, are you willing to fight for her?"

"I hit her Dirk! I can't take that back! She deserves much better than me."

"Why would you hurt her? She must understand that you didn't mean to. You love her, just go and apologize. Hitting her doesn't mean you can't love her and give her a wonderful life. It means that you have to get your anger issues in check."

"Like I said, she deserves better," he snapped back.

"Yes. You're right. She does deserve better, but maybe she doesn't want better. Maybe she just wants you. A wise friend of mine told me something once. My girlfriend, Krissy Neilson, had broken up with me. She had started going with a creep by the name of Harry Warboard. I had given up hope of ever getting her back, but this friend, he said to me 'A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets.' Look at me now. I'm dating Krissy Neilson. And oh, what was the name of the fellow who gave me the advice? That's right, Jones Brooster was his name." A silence fell between them. "You need to fight for her. If you love her, fight to get her back. Don't just give up. You really will lose her if you do that. Go, tell her how you feel. Apologize. Get her back! Promise me, you'll try to get her back."

"Aye, I will. That is after my head stops throbbing," Killian said as he stood up.

"Alright mate," he said, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "You will get Emma back. I have no doubt of that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I choose to believe that Killian finds the comparisons of himself to Prince Charming absolutely hilarious as he comes from a land where Prince Charming actually exists.


	11. Telling Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we see more of Mary Margaret and we also finally return to Killian.

**Present: _The Jolly Roger_ , Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

"So, you and hook were a couple."

Emma leaned back and shut her eyes before nodding. She had no idea what time it was. She had given Mary-Margaret a condensed and censored version of the good times they had had in New York. She hadn't yet explained the fight and its aftermath.

"You were in love." Emma could hear Mary Margaret's smile in her voice. "What happened to ruin it all?"

Emma looked at her mom and took a deep breath. She knew how stupid this was all going to sound. "We had a fight. Sure we argued all the time about stupid stuff, but this time- this was different. I can't even tell you how it started, but soon enough it was about me refusing to trust him. And when you fight fire with fire, everyone gets burned."

"Just like on the deck," she whispered.

Emma nodded again. "I left that night and for the next three weeks I didn't try to have any contact with him. But I thought about him constantly and missed him endlessly. So, after three weeks, I caved. I went to _Kelly's_. Early afternoon- practically no on there. I went upstairs to find him. He was gone. He had left. Left me like everyone else had. And all I got was a dumbass letter and fucking necklace." Tears started streaming down Emma's cheeks again.

_))) CaptainSwan (((_

The bottle crashed to the ground, falling from Killian's hand. The last drops of poison slipped through the cracks in the old floorboards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe we didn't really get much Killian. My apologies! Feel free to rage at me in the comments. (But rage nicely please!)


	12. One Red Rose, Two Broken Hearts

**Past: New York City, New York**

Killian stood in front of her building. He'd only been there a couple of times before o help Emma move her things to his place at Kelly's. Just from the outside appearance you could tell that the apartments here were luxurious. He hadn't thought she'd be able to afford something so nice with her so infrequent jobs. (and even more infrequent paychecks) He'd been astounded that she'd leave this place to live at his tiny apartment about Kelly's. She'd explained that her place was cold and unfriendly, while his felt like home. He'd thought then that as long as they were together, anywhere would feel like home. He'd hoped she'd feel the same. Now, that hope was dwindling.

As he walked into the extravagant lobby, he suddenly felt under-dressed in his leather coat, v-neck, and jeans. He walked over to the desk and the lady waved him through- too busy to notice that he didn't belong there.

He approached the stairway entrance, buying himself time to think of what to say. He reached the 8th floor door and stood in front of it. He gathered his thoughts and composed himself. He held a single perfect red rose. He'd brought her this same small token a million times since the day she had told him she thought it was one of the most romantic things is the world. They would always remind him of her. He walked onto her floor. He knew her apartment was around the corner. He glanced around the wall at her door, but quickly recoiled at what he saw. He looked again to confirm that he was seeing correctly. His jaw clenched up and he could feel the tears prick the back of his eyes, threatening to fall.

Killian Jones didn't cry and he wasn't about to start not.

His fist closed around the blossom. He crushed the petals, destroying the rose. He let the flower fall to the floor as he walked back to the stairwell. He needed to get out, needed air, needed to get far, far away.

_))) CaptainSwan (((_

Emma gripped his neck and pulled him into a rough kiss as they stumbled into her apartment. She'd close her eyes and see _him_. But when she felt his _left_ hand roughly grab her hip, surely leaving a bruise, she'd know it wasn't. And with her eyes open his hair was sandy blonde, not black, and his eyes weren't a shining blue, but a dead brown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are virtual love!!


	13. Forgetting Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long compared to the rest of them! We will finally catch up with Killian and see what's really going through his mind.

**Past: New York City, New York**

Killian leaned forward against the bookshelf in his apartment. He couldn't help but think how this place still smelled so much like her. He held an almost empty bottle between his third and fourth fingers. He moved it circles, swirling the dark liquid inside. He ran his thumb over the lip repeatedly. His head hung low, strands of dark unwashed hair fell in his eyes.

He winced at the sound of knocking. Dirk pushed open the already ajar door. "So, how did things go?" he asked, oblivious.

Killian chuckled darkly and didn't turn to face the young man. "How did it go?" he repeated angrily under his breath. "She's not coming back." He said it, his tone leaving no room to argue.

Dirk could tell Jones was serious, but refused to give up. "How do you know? Did you ask her? Did you apologize?" He raised his voice.

"It is none of your business," he shouted. Killian took a swig from the rum bottle and then slammed it down against one of the shelves. "She," he closed his eyes as he spoke, "She's found someone else." His voice was cold. He leaned his forehead on a board of the bookshelf in a defeated gesture. "She's moved on, Dirk, just like I have to."

"Jones that's crazy! It's been only 3 days since she left. You went a couple of hours ago to see her, right after your shift ended. It's too soon for her to have found a replacement."

Killian didn't respond. He raised the bottle to his lips only to find nothing left. He brought it up to his face and frowned at the empty bottle. He let it hang from his fingers and let his arm fall to his side again, dangling it over the floor.

"Jones! Snap out of it! You promised me," the man shouted and Jones winced again. "Take your own advice and fight for her."

Killian shook his head and laughed. "Fight for her? That advice is bloody bullshit. You think it worked for you? It only worked for you 'because you're blind to what's really going on." He finally turned around. "You got her back, but not all to yourself. She's still with Harry! She's still with any man she can find!"

"No. Krissy is not like that. She's stopped that. She's-"

"Do you know where she is?" he interrupted.

"She's at work,"

"And what does she do for work?"

Dirk didn't answer. He averted his eyes.

"Right. You're dating a whore. You're getting cheated on by a whore. You're letting a whore use you." Jones spat out the words. "Sometimes you don't fight to get her back, you let things happen the way they happen and the move one." He was practically growling.

"Krissy isn't-"  
"Ask anyone!"

Dirk was taking shallow breaths, clenching his teeth. "Jones Brooster, you're just a sick bastard who's afraid to man up and accept his own actions and even more his feelings. All you know how to do is hurt others. Fuck you. You're nothing but a coward."

"Shut your bloody mouth!" He threw the glass bottle against the floor. It shattered into thousands of shards.

"No."

"Get out," he said under his breath.

"What?"

"Get Out. Get out Dirk. This is my apartment. Get. Out." He glared daggers.

Dirk spat on the ground in front of Jones before walking away. He paused in the doorway, but didn't turn back, instead he continued down stairs to the bar and then out of the tavern completely. He went as far away as possible, just needing to think.

* * *

**Present Day:** _**The Jolly Roger** _ **, Neverland's Surrounding Waters**

There were broken chunks of glass on the floor of the captain's cabin. Killian had purposefully thrown the vial of poison to the ground, smashing it to pieces. It was all he could think to do. He needed it gone. Back when he had returned to Cora she had been waiting for him. She knew almost every detail of his time in New York. Cora hadn't told him why she was sending him there, but it all made sense looking back on it now. Now that he could remember.

When he had returned to the Enchanted Forest it turned out that things had played out in New York exactly as the queen had wished them to. And Emma had been a part of her plans- a big part.

* * *

**Past: The Enchanted Forest**

"What do you mean I 'put her back on track'?"

Cora laughed. "That girl is the key to getting to my daughter. She's the key to breaking the curse. I couldn't chance her being distracted by love again. Now she won't be. Emma Swan was already broken and now, well, you've just broken her even more."

Emma might have forgotten about him, but Hook was still in love with Emma. He couldn't let Cora do this. "I won't let you use her. You won't hurt her."

Cora looked at him. "You think that you can stop me? You were really in love with her. Did you really think you could convince her that this place was real? And get her to come back here with you? Then what? I would just let you leave and have some sort of 'happily ever after'? Foolish, foolish pirate." She walked up to him.

"I won't be a part of this anymore."

"And I won't let you stand in my way. I'll give you two options Captain. You can either forget all about her and continue on with me, getting your revenge, or you can abandon all this- in death." She held up a vial containing a green poison. "Your choice."

He stared at her coldly. "I no longer care about revenge."

"Then choose to forget and perhaps you'll see her again after the curse is broken."

When he closed his eyes he could see Emma's face. He nodded once, agreeing to Cora's terms.

She took one more step and plunged her hand into Hook's chest. He gasped as she pulled his heart from his body. It was more black than red. Killian fell to his knees from the pain.

"But when you forget- you'll forget everything of that land and won't even recognize her. Without remembering Emma, you won't remember giving up your quest for vengeance." Cora smirked.

"No." Hook called out, wincing from the effort.

Cora squeezed the heart. Killian fell to his hands and hissed in pain. She slipped the vial of poison into his vest pocket, "Just in case you change your mind."

Killian looked at it and thought of his Swan again. He couldn't let her get hurt, but the thought of never seeing her green eyes or touching her lips or hearing her laugh ever again would push him into despair. He was a selfish man. Too selfish to let go of her, no matter the consequences.

The queen sprinkled white dust over the heart. Killian could feel his mind start to fade.

"Emma," he whisper the name like a prayer as his last memories of her were stolen away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to know what you thought of this explanation to Killian's lost memories!! Please comment below!


	14. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very Emma-centric chapter. Enjoy!

**Past: New York City, New York**

Emma's phone vibrated again. She groaned. Couldn't it tell she was asleep? She glanced at the screen. She groaned again. Really?

It was Johnathan. Johnathan who kept telling her to call him Johnny and kept texting her to call him. But only if tonight didn't work. And this is why you never tall a one night stand where you live. Or let him into your apartment. She had been so drunk. How? Killian never let her get wasted like that. Oh, Killian. The morning after her night with Johnny she had the worst hangover of her life. She missed him.

She didn't even know how she thought 'Johnny' would be a good partner in bed. He was one of the worst. It felt like it was his first time, but it was obvious that it wasn't. Killian never would have pushed her into something she didn't want. Oh, Killian. She had woken up in so much pain only to find that he was a one night stand without the decency to leave. She missed Killian so much.

* * *

**Present Day:** _**The Jolly Roger** _ **, Surrounding Neverland Waters**

"A necklace?"

"I don't have it anymore,"

"What about the letter?"

"It was completely devoid of emotion. I got rid of it right after I read it."

"I'm sorry Emma,"

"It doesn't matter, not anymore."

"Are you sure about that? I think you should talk to him. He seems to feel the same way as you."

Emma looked at her quizzically. With one last pat on the back Mary Margaret left her alone.

* * *

**Past: New York City, New York**

It had been three weeks since she had seen his face last. She needed to see him. And they needed to talk. She couldn't do this anymore. She did need him. She was getting really tired of creepy Johnny showing up at her place on any given night without her even knowing.

Was she really going to give in? She stood outside of Kelly's. Yes, yes she was. If it meant getting another chance at whatever this was with him then she would come back and give in a million times. They could get past those arguments and the fear. They could do this.

Emma took a deep breath and entered the tavern. She was shocked. It was almost six and no matter what day it was Kelly's was always filled to the brim with customers by this time. So why was it practically empty? There were three guys sitting at the bar and only Kyle was behind it serving. Where was everyone?

It didn't matter. She only needed to find one person. She only needed to find Killian.

She walked quickly across the room with her head down, not wanting anyone to notice her. As she took the first step up the stairs Kyle called out, having seen her.

"Em- liza!" he almost slipped up her name.

She ignored him and just raced up the old stairs to Killian's small apartment. To _their_ small apartment.

The door was open. She braced herself out in the hallway. Taking a deep breath she stepped inside.

She found the living room almost exactly as she had left it. It was just missing some of her own things. It all looked the same, but everything was unusually quiet. There was no hum of the fridge. No static from the radio. No soft sound of Killian singing. Something was wrong. Emma walked around the coffee table, but stopped mid-step with a gasp.

There was shattered glass all over the floor in front of the bookcase. She stared at the ground where the glass was and tried to step over it. That didn't belong there.

"Killian," she called out, worried. "Killian, darling, please," she yelled as she walked through the apartment searching the empty rooms for him. "Jones?" There was no response and she found that every room was empty. She collapsed to her knees and felt a few tears slip down her cheeks. "Killian," she whispered, her voice cracking.

"He's gone," said a rough voice from the doorway behind her. The voice was male and sounded unused. "And he's not coming back."

Emma wiped her wet cheeks and slowly stood up before turning around. "Dirk?" he was leaning on the door frame, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't gotten much sleep. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

"Jones. He left a couple of weeks ago. The old man says he won't return."

Emma felt a fresh wave of panic wash over her. He was gone? How? Why?

"Oh," Dirk started, catching Emma's attention. He staggered to the other side of the room and pulled an envelope out from the waste bin. "You're- Eliza, right?" Dirk had learned her real name, but Emma wasn't going to argue- he was probably too drunk to think straight. She simply nodded. "Here." He shoved the envelope into her hand. "He asked me to give it to you. The bastard- Jones." He stood there a minute, but then took a drink from the bottle, nodded once at her, and left.

Emma raised an eyebrow at his back. He was supposed to give it to her- that definitely explained why it was in the trash. She looked down at the paper in her hands and her eyes widened. It read 'Eliza Swanson' on the front of the envelope in Killian's distinctive handwriting. Emma quickly opened it to get to the letter, tears springing to her eyes. She read the note once, twice, three times. Until her tears blurred her sight so much that she no longer could read it.

She tore up the paper and rushed out of the apartment. She collided with Kyle who had come up to find her. He gripped her forearms. "Emma, Emma, listen to me,"

She shrugged him off and pushed the scraps of paper towards him. "I'm sorry Kyle, but I can't" She kept crying and ran down the back stairway out to the street. It was just like the night that had ruined it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are so close to the end!! One more chapter and then the Epilogue! It's been quite the ride! Leave some love below!
> 
> Comments make my muse happy (and then in thanks it does a little interpretive dance!)


	15. Look Foward to Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have finally reached the Title Chapter! This is the last chapter before the epilogue! I cannot thank you enough for sticking by this story. I hope you enjoy this last chapter!!!

**Present:** _**The Jolly Roger** _ **, Neverland Surrounding Waters**

Night had fallen in Neverland and the stars had come out to play. Killian sat at the desk in his cabin with his head resting against the back of the chair. His eyes were closed as to let visions of what once was flow before them. He saw her blond hair fanned out behind her as her eyelids flickered open to reveal her sparkling green eyes. He could see her laughing at some joke Kyle had told and her gorgeous smile turned shy when he caught her watching him dry tumblers. Why did everything have to go wrong? Why did they have to lose it all?

He gazed out through the window and the stars winked at him in their secret language. Even the older ones took an interest in him just as they had long ago. The smallest of all the stars cried out to him, "Now, Killian," so to alert him that the deck was clear.

He rose from the desk and left his cabin. Killian climbed the stairs to the deck and breathed deeply through his nose, the salty air relaxing him. He stood by the rail and leaned against the bars letting the night air and the sound of the waves calm him and take away every concern.

_)))CS(((_

Emma sat there a long time after Mary-Margaret left. She let herself get lost in the maze of her thoughts. She didn't notice how the evening had turned to night until the clock hand (had there been a clock) would have pass twelve. The winking stars soothed her. They put her worries to ease with simply a twinkle. She remembered them from long ago, almost like they had been part of a forgotten dream.

She felt the need to be closer to the sky and the shining orbs it contained. She silently left her cabin and crept up to the deck with barely a noise.

_)))CS(((_

Killian could feel someone's eyes on him, but he didn't bother turning around. He had heard them walk up the stairs. But then there was a change in the atmosphere and he knew they were trying to leave without his notice, so he called out, "Don't leave on my account," The sound of footsteps grew louder as they made their way closer to him. The other person came to stand right beside Hook. He turned his head to see who it was. "Swan," he breathed, shocked. She continued to gaze out over the water without acknowledging him.

They stood together in silence like that for a long time, neither knowing quite what to say.

Emma finally spoke out. "I'm sorry about earlier. I overreacted."

"No, love. I believe I deserved all of that. I didn't mean a word of what I said, but I'm not expecting forgiveness, I never have."

She turned toward him. "Just- Just where? Where did you go?"

He looked at her confused. "What do you mean?"

Emma took a deep breath and swallowed her pride. "Back then in New York, three weeks after our fight I couldn't stand it anymore so I went to Kelly's and you were gone. Only left a piece of paper behind."

Killian winced at the part about the letter. "Three weeks? I only lasted three _days_."

"What?" she gasped.

"I went looking for you after only three days. I went to your apartment. You'd already moved on. Already forgotten about everything we had. So I figured it was better if I moved on too. I drank myself into oblivion that night." He shook his head, ashamed at the memory.

"Was he blond, brown eyed, about your height with a very fake tan?" she asked, alarmed.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather not talk about that night, but yes, he was."

Emma let out a loud groan. Her head fell into her hands and tears filled her eyes. "I lost _you_ because of _him_ ," she choked out, not caring what he thought of her. "Why did you leave?" she begged as she caught his eyes.

He wiped away the tears from her cheek. The last time he had seen her this vulnerable was not quite seven years ago. She let herself collapse against his body. She needed to smell him. Needed to feel that he was there. "Cora was the one to send me to New York. I was there for about two years before we met. Turns out the whole reason I was there was so that we would meet. She wanted to make sure you were on the path to breaking the curse." He let out a sigh, here came the hard part. "I didn't know that at the time. After I met you, Emma, I intended to break my alliance with Cora. I gave up my revenge a long time ago. But then we split and Cora called me back to the Enchanted Forest. I thought I could move on, but once I returned I knew I had made a mistake and that I'd never stop loving you." He wrapped his arms around her. "Cora couldn't have that. She erased all my memories of you and they didn't return until she died. Her spell was broken and slowly they came back one by one."

"I think his name was Johnathan. I hated him. All I wanted was you, but I was too scared. So I fell back on one night stand to try and forget about it. Eventually that would work. But the guy you saw was a creep. I ended up moving because he was stalking me. He meant nothing. To think that all we had was thrown out the window because of a meaningless fling-" She wasn't able to finish, it hurt too much.

Killian ran his hand against her back and let out a humorless chuckle. "Aren't we a mess?" he whispered into her neck.

"We wasted so much time."

"Don't think about that, love. I'm never going to leave you. We have an eternity. Stop lingering on the past and just look forward to forever," he said with a small smile.

With his hand on her hip and her hands on his neck, she leaned forward and he leaned down until their lips met. It was a kiss long awaited. And well worth the years spent apart. The two lost souls upon the deck of The Jolly Roger that night, who found home in each other, would share many more kisses like that. The perfect kiss that can only be had between true loves. They would remember that night for many years, long after other memories had faded. For this isn't where their tale ends, but merely the beginning of their beautiful love story.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a lot of fluff. I really hope you liked it! The only thing left is the Epilogue! I love you all so much for continuing to read this fic! It means the world to me!!!
> 
> The reference to stars in the first section of this chapter is a reference to J.M. Barrie's original Peter Pan.


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. This is it. This is the Epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me through the past 15 chapters! I hope you enjoy this last little piece!

_**Epilogue** _

**2 years after Henry is rescued from Neverland.**

**Present: New York City, New York**

He stumbled down the creaky old stairs, the loud ring of the phone calling to him. "I'm comin', I'm comin'," he shouted into the empty room. He mumbled to himself, "The one night they stay out ten minutes later, the ringing doesn't stop." He angrily picked up the phone. "Hello? What do you want?"

"Umm- is this Mr. Kelly speaking?" a somewhat familiar voice said on the other end.

"Yeah," the older man said with suspicion. "This is Kelly."

"It's a pleasure to speak with you Mr. Kelly. You see I learned you might be renting rooms."

"Well I'm not sure-"

"I'd only need it for a few nights, but I'll be willing to pay the same amount as a monthly rent. You see my wife and I were planning to honeymoon this week in New York, but our reservations were cancelled and now we have nowhere to go."

"Well, it's no honeymoon suite."

"I'm sure it's perfect. My wife and I would appreciate it greatly."

Well, I suppose for a few nights it would be fine. And congratulations."

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! We'll be there within the hour."

The line went dead and he put down the phone. No one had stayed in that room for ten years.

"Who was that Pops?" asked his son-in-law as he entered the room.

"Our guest. He and his new wife will be renting the small apartment upstairs."

"But that was-" he stopped when his father-in-law raised his hand.

"He wouldn't want us saving it. He'd want another couple to enjoy it."

The young man nodded and led the aging Kelly out of the kitchen to where his wife was waiting.

_)))CS(((_

**Present: New York City, New York**

Killian smiled as he hung up.

"Well?" Emma prompted impatiently.

"It's all set."

Both of their smiles grew.

_)))CS(((_

_**About 40 minutes later…** _

_)))CS(((_

The doorbell rang. Jasmine stood up from her seat beside her husband. "That must be them. I'll get it." Kyle had started renting parts of the tavern once it had faded from its former glory, but his daughter, Jasmine, handled most of the details.

She opened the door and started to welcome them, "You must be-" but then she stopped in shock. "Killian?!" She reached out to hug him, which was hard to do with her very pregnant stomach. Then she saw someone else. "Emma?" She hugged her even tighter. Despite having only met a few times before because of Jasmine's frequent travels, they had gotten along wonderfully, loving each other's company. "You're here, together," She had started crying as she led them into the building. "Look who I found." She announced to Dirk and Kyle, who were in the room waiting.

"You were the one who called?" Kyle asked pointing at Killian. "Which means," He caught sight of Emma and his smile grew despite the tears in his eyes.

"We couldn't imagine spending our honeymoon anywhere else." Killian said and hugged the man who had been like a father to him. Killian turned to Dirk.

"So, which one of us gets to say 'I told you so'?"

"Both," Killian said. They both chuckled and embraced.

Kyle pulled Emma in for a one armed hug. "Without the two of you this place has been lifeless."

"Why don't we sit down and let each other in on the events of the past ten years?"

And They Did.

Dirk had broken up with Krissy after discovering that what Killian said to be true. He thought Krissy and Harry deserved each other.

Kelly's medical condition had worsened and so Jasmine stayed home more. She and Dirk really hit it off. They'd gotten married two year later and were now expecting their second child, due any day now. Their older one, now five, was name Irene Emma (after Jasmine's mother and their lost friend, Emma Swan) and was already asleep upstairs.

Emma and Killian had intended to be married a year ago, but Emma's pregnancy complicated things. They had waited until after the birth. They were reluctant to leave their little one behind, but the Nolans knew they were in need of a break and if they didn't take their honeymoon now, they never would. So waiting for them at home was 4 month old Liam Kyle Jones.

Kelly recounted the stories his father had told of the Enchanted Forest. The reason for his belief in Killian.

By the end of the evening they were planning to return to Storybrooke. Together.

They had found Happily Ever After. And they had the rest of time to enjoy it.

_Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
> 
> This is the end of this fic. If you liked it, feel free to check out some of my other stories either on fanfiction.net or here on AO3. 
> 
> This is your last chance to leave a comment!!!!


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